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The President of the Royal Bank of Canada

A popular joke with a new twist by Elson T. Elizaga


A little old lady went into the Royal Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"

After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.

The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I make bets."

The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"

The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"

"Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"

The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10am as a witness?"

"Sure!" replied the confident president. That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.

The next morning, at precisely 10am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, okay," said the president. "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10am today I'd have The Royal Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."


Days after this incident, the president learned that the little old lady had flown to the Philippines. So, he called up the governor of the Central Bank of the Philippines and told him the story. “Be very careful,” the president warned. “Too late,” the governor said, “many of us have become her victims already. At this moment she is holding the balls of Alfonso Yuchengco, the newly-appointed ambassador to Germany.”

“Really? But he is 87-years old! That lady has no mercy!” the president said.

“Indeed, “the governor replied. “The little old lady also won bets against the following people because their balls are square: agriculture secretary Bernardo Fondevilla, executive secretary Leandro Mendoza, justice secretary Alberto Agra, TESDA director general Rogelio Peyuan, budget secretary Joaquin Lagonera, Department of Energy officer-in-charge Jose Ibazeta, spokesperson Ricardo Saludo, Monetary Board member Peter Favila, trade secretary Jesli Lapus, chief transportation undersecretary Arturo Lomibao, Land Transportation Office chief Alberto Suansing, Subic Bay Metropolitan Authority member Mario Garcia, Civil Aviation Authority of the Philippines general manager Alfonso Cunsi, Manila International Airport Authority general manager Melvin Matibag, National Museum director Jeremy Barns, Armed Forces Chief of Staff Gen. Delfin Bangit, and Army chief Maj. Gen. Reynaldo Mapagu. This is just a partial list.”

“What about the chief justice of the Supreme Court?” the president asked.

“No problem. His balls are triangular,” the governor said.

ABOUT THE POSTSCRIPT: In March 2010, President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo replaced several government officials, such as the ambassador to Germany. Her so-called midnight appointments were widely criticized, because they were made less than two months before the national elections set on May 11, 2010, despite a Constitutional prohibition. Arroyo also wanted to replace the chief justice, but his term expires only on May 17, so he is spared. | Postscript Copyright © Elson T. Elizaga.